Yes, very nice.

The First and Original Toupee Blog, extolling the grandeur of the most glorious creation of mankind, the phony looking head rug.

Thursday, March 20, 2014


I am usually pretty careful to bring you, my two or three avid readers, the Nice Toupees of people in public life who I think deserve or at least can handle the attention their cranial carpetry draws, or should draw, upon them.  I don't do hatchet jobs on people who are just trying to run a company, produce a product or be a local politician, though many of them have some pretty startling plumage glued to their erstwhile gleaming dome.  Like Bill Gates.  BUT, I present to you now the off-the-rack headgear of one Dr. Mohammed Naseem.

Why, you may ask. Well I will tell you why. As related by our charming friends at Pink News (Europe's Largest Gay News Service) beneath that sculpted hunk of neo-hair is the chairman of a Birmingham, England, mosque who has "defended comments he made linking homosexuality to paedophilia, murder and gambling."

Okay, he has a right to his beliefs.  I don't know what Islamic teachings are about an elderly gentleman slapping a chestnut-toned toup on his sconce in the vain effort to deny God's gift of baldness, but let's compare him with the lovely Asifa Lahore, Britain’s “first and only Muslim drag queen.”

Who would you rather date? My answer - THE BELIEVABLE ONE.  Nice toupee, Naseem.  REAL nice toupee you got there.  OH yeah.

Sunday, January 5, 2014


With the news that Action Megastar Steven Seagal is contemplating ascending to his rightful place upon the throne of the U.S. province of Arizona, I suddenly realized what great strides he has already taken toward the glorification of humanity's greatest accomplishment in all of history, the toupee.  Let's watch as he evolves through the primitive stages of mankind into a spectacular post-human Homo Toupensis!

Firstly, meet his striking gaze just as he saw himself in his mirror every morning, his youthful charm receding before his grim eyes.  Where is that hair going?  Away, my friend, away.

Puzzled and unsettled by the trickery of fate, he contemplates his options.  Just let it go?  Shave it all off? No - that won't be the style for many years and I need something now. Because this dome is really starting to blind me.

Must I gloomily resign myself to the disgraceful BALD GUY CAP?  Or worse yet, the dreaded Dome Diaper, the  hideous and disgusting BALDANA?  No, it hasn't come to that.  I still have my pride.  I still have one brave option.

Yes.  The toupee.  The magnificent toupee.  Once again I am myself, free to be the righteous defender of justice my fans expect me to be.  The toupee is our salvation.  And yet... am I really ALL I can be?  Am I just settling for what I can get, or can I still demand MORE?  AS IS MY RIGHT???

VICTORY.  Victory over baldness, over combing, over mere "reality."  Here is the culmination of cranial art, the spectacular one-piece titanium vampire toup.  Get that thing looking right BEFORE you clamp it onto my skull because I have a WORLD to save, an EMPIRE to rule... the Empire of Arizona.  
Fight the brave fight, Steven Seagal.  You are fighting for all of us, the dense-pelted and the balding, the head-shaved and the en-toupified, even the fully be-wigged.  But NOT for those wretched and shameful wearers of the degrading Bald Guy Cap or Baldana.  Not for those who vainly strive to conceal their noble pates beneath a stupid rag.  They are the enemy, the enemy of the truth of baldness and the glorious legend of the NICE TOUPEE.