SMART!

Rather than just perching atop the naked dome like a scrap of scruffy carpet and making you look like a schmuck, wouldn't it be better for a phony hairpiece to actually DO something?  Like monitor your vital signs, remotely control electronic devices, or navigate via GPS?  OF COURSE IT WOULD.  That's why the Smart Wig exists.  That doesn't mean we don't still love the Stupid Wigs of the world.
 

'Smart' wig navigates by GPS, monitors brainwaves

TOKYO —

Are you both bald AND lost? Then the new “SmartWig” from Japan might be just what you need.

Wearers of the Presentation Wig will be able to remotely control a laser pointer from their mop-top. They can move forward through a PowerPoint slideshow by tugging the right sideburn and go back a page by pulling on the left.

The Navigation Wig uses GPS to speak to satellites and guide users to their destination with tiny vibrations on different parts of the head.

Meanwhile, the Sensing Wig monitors body temperature, blood pressure and brainwaves and can also record sounds and images to allow wearers to playback their day and see what set their systems aflutter.

And so forth.

 

JOSE MANUEL BARROSO

Jose Manuel Barroso, former prime minister of Portugal, is current President of the European Commission.  I have tried to figure out what that means, but it is too complicated for me to understand.  What I do understand is that Sr. Barroso is a world leader in another realm, the realm of the Nice Toupee.  I salute President Barroso for his contribution to this neglected artform!

I only had THIS much hair....

... but I wanted to have THIS much!

NICE TOUPEE, JOSE!

John Travolta Update

Christmas of 2012 gave toupee lovers an extra special gift.  John Travolta has been a rug aficionado's dream for years now, but he leaped to a new dimension of cranial astroturfing with his Olivia Newton John reunion video.

Burt Reynolds

Somewhere along Burt Reynolds' road to becoming the Male Dolly Parton, there had to be a breaking point, a point at which the line had been crossed, when he reached the Level Beyond Human.  That point was somewhere between The Cannonball Run (1981) and Cannonball Run 2 (1984).  This is my documentary evidence:

Here he is in The Cannonball Run - nice toupee, right?  Looks pretty good, fairly believable.

Here he is in Cannonball Run 2.

End of post.