Few topics spur more heated debate in toupee circles than the do-rag or "baldana." While a toupee proclaims, however unconvincingly, "I still have hair," the baldana mumbles equivocally, "I might still have hair... but I still rock. Mostly." Bret Michaels is a guy who was in a rock band, and he has done his best to make the baldana into the Rock Star Toupee. He is arguably the greatest living proponent of the baldana.
Bret must have started getting big parking lots on the side of his bean at an early age. He just decided, "This will be my style. I will rock this baldana, and people will be too stoked with my radicalness to stop and imagine the shining Bing Crosby dome that crowns my totally rocking self."
As the gleam of his shining pate expanded, so did his baldana, raising NO QUESTIONS WHATEVER about the rocking lack of locks on his kick-ass cranium. Nobody even wonders how much he looks like Benjamin Franklin when he strips off that subtle cloth. Let's be honest here for one moment. The toupee is one of mankind's noblest creations. The baldana, like its elder brother The Bald Guy Cap, is a shameful embarrassment to both wearer and viewer. It is a humiliating dome-diaper that degrades us all. Shame be upon all who wear it.